Sam's Adventures in Online Dating

Any “About Me” section on an online dating profile that starts with “I only wear...

pancakery — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 10:51:49 -0500

Any “About Me” section on an online dating profile that starts with “I only wear silver shoes” is a complete and total write off. I didn’t even bother reading any further.

This was pretty beautiful. I had to share it :P

pancakery — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 13:46:54 -0500

This was pretty beautiful. I had to share it :P

BANANA!!

pancakery — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 16:36:29 -0500

BANANA!!

…….. Pull your pants up, put a shirt on, and take...

pancakery — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 19:48:28 -0500

……..

Pull your pants up, put a shirt on, and take that stupid hat off and then come talk to me.

You have something in common now with the homless guy that hangs...

pancakery — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 19:01:09 -0500

You have something in common now with the homless guy that hangs out at the food court. You’ve both asked me that question and I ignored it each time.

Sorry the blog has been so inactive lately

pancakery — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 12:12:27 -0500

I had a boyfriend, but I just got my ass dumped yesterday, so consider this blog active again. I will post as soon as I have time and fuel!

Uuuuh. Does it make me a terrible person if I point out this...

pancakery — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 12:44:38 -0500

Uuuuh. Does it make me a terrible person if I point out this irony?…

Just received this message. Um. ...

pancakery — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 22:16:08 -0500

“So this will most certainly be the original long shot msg you’ve ever read on this
site.

Please don’t be offended or anything, I hope you take it only as a compliment. I
think you are drop dead sexy, so much so that there are two things I hope you are
interested in. First, is a photo shoot, It won’t cost you a dime I just think
that you are super attractive and would like to use you for my portfolio. And yes
I am a photographer for a living and can toss you a link to some of my work if you
wanna see it.

Secondly, are you interested in women at all? I know it is a super long shot, and
please don’t be offended. I know a lot of people still are by the ideas of
gay/bisexual/experimental stuff , but any chance you would like to go on a date
with my gf and I? She is into women also. Wow do I feel like a douche asking
that, but ya. I’d totally date you if I wasn’t in a relationship… I’m just
not a cheater.

Anyways, I totally understand if you are not interested, but let me know.”

U R Illiterate

pancakery — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 19:00:42 -0500

U R Illiterate

NOW you’re a zebra, BITCH!

pancakery — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 21:48:02 -0500

NOW you’re a zebra, BITCH!

Thank you for clarifying that you are science. Also if you tell...

pancakery — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 21:40:25 -0500

Thank you for clarifying that you are science. Also if you tell people that your sexual partner “donated” their body to you everytime you get some, your group of friends might slowly diminish. I also must point out that this is a picture of someone getting their hair cut…possibly by their mother. Is that supposed to make you more available or attractive somehow? My mum cuts my hair sometimes. Really? Tell me more. I love it when you talk dirty.

Does anyone else feel like they just got molested? Just me?...

pancakery — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 21:36:35 -0500

Does anyone else feel like they just got molested? Just me? Alrighty then.

Well that’s one way to be blunt… seriously guys, I...

pancakery — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 20:01:02 -0500

Well that’s one way to be blunt… seriously guys, I don’t know how I’m turning down all of these super courteous and romantic dudes. Feel free to snatch ‘em up while you can.

Chivalry isn’t dead, ladies and gentlemen

pancakery — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 00:26:10 -0500

Chivalry isn’t dead, ladies and gentlemen

A man who can’t even spell “slut” right. What...

pancakery — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 18:52:03 -0500

A man who can’t even spell “slut” right. What a catch.

Amirite?

pancakery — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 18:03:34 -0500

Amirite?

It’s a sickness, I swear to god

pancakery — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 18:01:20 -0500

It’s a sickness, I swear to god

Um…uuuuuuuh. Is this sweater worse than the wife beaters?...

pancakery — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 17:56:07 -0500

Um…uuuuuuuh. Is this sweater worse than the wife beaters? Maybe. Is this one of the worst douche faces/duck face poses I’ve ever seen? Quite possibly. Does this guy have a slight case of molester eyes under that black bar? Most definitely.

What is that hand sign? Is that supposed to be like a super badass gangster gun? It’s as if he’s saying “Yeah gurl pop pop molester eyes at an ugly sweater party that no one else dressed up to. If you play your cards right I’ll touch you with my gun hand let you apply my next layer of hair gel. What.”

This just got a whole lot weirder than I initially expected it...

pancakery — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 16:20:13 -0500

This just got a whole lot weirder than I initially expected it to.

What is it with dudes that think wife beaters and a pound of hair gel is okay to rock all year long? It's like a sickness.

pancakery — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 16:02:07 -0500

Also the duckface. Guys, you think it looks stupid when chicks do it, it’s like a million times worse when you do it. Douche lips. Especially if you have big lips anyway. We see them. You don’t have to make them look even bigger. You look cray cray. Stop it. Also maybe having pictures of yourself flexing and shirtless in every picture attracts a certain kind of female, but honestly I’d rather have to work to find out what’s under your shirt. Plus, I don’t like dating anyone that has a better body then me because it’s just not right and it makes me feel like a tub tub.

This has been an update.